Passion

Shresta Nibhanupudi (she/her)

Editorial Team Member

When I was nine years old, I started doing the nerdiest thing of all time. I started training for math competitions. Math competition classes are exactly what you’d expect: boring. I hated it. I skipped every class and never did any of my homework. The teacher hated me and I hated her. I made up any excuse to not do the next competition or not attend the next class. The funniest part about that was that I was actually good, really good. I would place decently and my scores were fine. They were fine, not great, only because I never tried. Eventually, I got my wish and my parents got tired of convincing me. That was the happiest day of my entire life. 

   Passion has always been a word that I knew but never truly understood. I’ve had it described to me many many times but I never truly got it. Passion has always been a loaded word; when people ask “What are you passionate about?” I could never answer. I haven’t experienced that wonderful moment where it just clicks, or that one thing that makes everything else feel insignificant. People my age usually answered that horrible question with a sport or a club.

For as long as I can remember, I have tried every sport and activity under the sun to find the “one”. The one that I would be instantly perfect at. The place where I would finally belong and stay. I tried soccer, basketball, ballet, and pretty much anything you can think of. Unfortunately, none of those quite worked out the way that I wanted them to. And when they didn’t, the disappointment was too much, so I just quit. If I wasn’t immediately fantastic, then I quit and tried to find the next one where I was. I equated passion to success.

 I spent my life searching and searching for the magical activity that I would finally feel passionate for. What I didn’t realize was that I was looking for the wrong thing. Passion works based on love. I never gave any of those activities the time for me to feel anything. However, math competitions were the one thing that made me realize that, even if you’re good at something, you might not love it. It took me years to learn that lesson. It, somehow, was the perfect example of passion not equating to talent. I had a talent for math, but I still hated it and didn’t feel passion. 

To this day, I’m still not quite sure if I genuinely love something enough to feel that intense drive for it. But now I am trying. I’m trying the right thing. I’m trying to feel the love towards everything I do, rather than constantly focus on the success aspect. I’m giving that necessary time and effort.  Passion brings enjoyment and that is much more important than anything else.