My Thoughts on Parasocial Relationships

Amelia Giese

Nov 14

I’m one of the millions of people who will be the first to tell you that they love celebrities. Like many my age, and many people in general, I look up to celebrities. Some come from a similar background to mine. Some are my role models. Some have done what I dream of doing. I can’t help but be drawn into their orbit—that’s just a part of their allure.

There are also celebrities that I feel like I know. These are people whose content I have consumed to an extreme. I have read their Wikipedia pages, watched their interviews, and read their biographies. I feel as though I know them. My relationship with them can stretch beyond artist and fan, to the point where I know that I’ll always have them if I need them. If I’m having a bad day, I can whip out my phone and watch a clip from a live performance that gives me goosebumps. If I’m anxious about something, I can watch a funny clip from an interview and it’ll make me smile. Whether the celebrity knows it or not, I can always rely on them. They feel like a friend to me.

Whether you’re a fan of someone’s music, movie, show, or job, if you have consumed enough content surrounding them, you can begin to feel like you know the person. And the longer they’re in the industry, then the more content there is, and then the more you feel as though you know them, inside and out. You might know their favorite color, stories from their childhood, or their morning routine, but you have to remember that these people know nothing about you. And that part is tough.

I have spent the better part of my life as a fan of One Direction. I was always a Liam Payne girl. Then, about two years ago, well past the prime of my obsession, he said some things about his other band members that made me not see him the way I did before. And then more recently, it came out that he abused his ex-fiancé. This was all more than enough to break my heart and make me more of a Niall Horan girl than a Liam girl.

Regardless of the fact that he did and said awful things, he was still special to me. So when he died a couple of weeks ago, it hurt. It hurt really bad. Of course, I grieved the loss of a person. But more than that, I felt the pain that younger me was going through, and I grieved for the happiness she felt when One Direction even moved so much as an inch. And that is part of the problem.

It was a person who died. A human person. A real-life, human person who died in a tragic, preventable accident. And instead of caring about that, I spent more time worried about myself; a person who he didn’t even know.

Obviously, I have a right to grieve, and I need to take care of myself. But what disgusted me was that once I got over the shock of his death, while I was sad he was gone, I was more upset that there could never be a One Direction reunion. And that’s gross beyond measure.

Parasocial relationships are real and can be really problematic. I’m so glad that after about twenty minutes of feeling sad for myself, I got a grip, and recognized that a human life just ended. Not everyone is able to recognize that of themselves. But what sickened me most in the days after his death, were others who took my mistake to a whole new extreme.

There were people who complained online that there would never be a One Direction reunion. There were paparazzi and fans who harrassed grieving family members and friends of Liam’s. People said that they couldn’t believe they’d waited ten years just for the members of One Direction to reunite at Liam’s funeral. People even planned to attend the funeral in order to see Harry Styles, a former member of the band.

Not only did all of that happen, but there were fans who shared photos of his dead body. Yes, you read that right. A TMZ “reporter” (if you can even call them that) somehow got access to his body right after his death and took photos of it. But don’t worry! They only shared photos of his tattoos, as proof that it really was him who died, so it’s not that bad (Please note that this is sarcasm. The fact that they did even that is disgusting and horrific). And people shared those images, as well as images of the drugs present in his hotel room that eventually led to his death. How they got in there, I have no idea. This only painted him with the brush of an addict, not a father, son, brother, or anything of the sort. News agencies circulated the audio of the 911 call reporting that he fell from a third-story balcony and put his toxicology reports on blast, seemingly valuing clicks and engagement over the fact that a life was lost. And he is not the only celebrity that this has happened to.

Did you know that Liam Payne has a seven-year-old son? Imagine your father dying when you’re so young that you barely remember him, and then growing up, learning more about his death, and seeing those photos. Cheryl, Liam’s ex and the mother of his son, Bear, came out with a statement in which she reminded everyone “that we have lost a human being…a son, a brother, an uncle, a dear friend and a father.” She went on to say, “What is troubling my spirit the most is that one day Bear will have access to the abhorrent reports and media exploitation we have seen in the past two days. It breaks my heart further that I cannot protect him from that in his future.” I hate that she even had to say something in the first place.

It is not just Liam Payne that this happened to. Tragedies happen to celebrities, and they are exploited by the media and fans for engagement and fifteen minutes of fame, respectively. We as a society need to take a step back, and recognize that celebrities are people first and foremost. Too often we harass them and follow them. We exploit them and ignore boundaries. All for what? Too often someone feels as though they have a relationship with a celebrity, and cross lines to an extreme. In the wake of someone’s death, we have erased a space for their real friends and family to grieve all in the name of “love”. This is the untold price of parasocial relationships, and we, the fans, are never the ones to pay it.